We all feel regret, whether we choose to admit it or not.
I am turning 37 this fall. I normally love the aging process, and gaining all that wisdom, but something about turning 35, then 36, and soon 37, is really making me anxious. I have never felt the need to stop the clock more than right now.
Let’s go back to 2007. He wanted to get married sooner rather than later, but my career path was really important to me, and I had a goal. Of course, he respected that. He wanted children first too, but again, my goal was first in my mind. Now, I regret waiting so long. I have always wanted to make a change in my life, a personal change, that I tried to do over and over and never could take the plunge. I came close, but almost doesn’t count. I regret that too.
I am coming to terms with aging this year more than ever before because my body is reminding me of that. I can’t run nearly as fast, or workout for nearly as long. I am always tired and always going. I regret not loving my body and respecting it more. At home, I cherish our time, but then regret not being more social. In my heart, I loved my grandmother more than myself, but when she got sick and eventually died on my birthday in 2007 I didn’t see her as often as I should have. It was just too hard for me. I regret not giving her more of my time. And now, a former close friend of mine, that got sick a few years ago, has been fading ever since. Time came between us and I’ve only seen him a couple of times since I moved back to Chicago. I regret everyday not giving more of my time.
I have been so blessed, living this incredible life that I have been given, and I regret not appreciating it more. Regret sucks. The remorse, the disappointment, the guilt can just eat you alive. People love to talk about how happy they are, how successful, how goal-oriented, but no one ever wants to talk about the regret. Well, this is my confession. I have regrets, and I work hard everyday to not let them consume me. But somehow, I feel like they make me more real. I hope you feel the same way.
If you trust me enough, I hope you can share some of your regrets too. And we can give each other a nod of respect, and move on to a happier life each day.